Elsja Down Under

Relationship Advice from Strangers – Part II February 16, 2011

This little batch of advice all came from one guy who sat by the pool writing in my notebook for about 2 hours.

1. Don’t cheat unless you know you won’t get caught
2. Sometimes your man wants to sit in silence… let that happen
3. Randomly dirty dance with your man
4. Always make your guy feel #1. If you see a movie star that is hot… it is ok to say he’s hot but follow it with “but you’re hotter”
5. Never have bad breath
6. Send a random text to let him know you’re thinking of him
7. You have to reverse spoon sometimes even if you don’t want to
8. Randomly grab his hand in the car when you are on the way to dinner
9. Have 1 random drunk night every now and then… to venture out of your “comfort” zones
10. Wear black panties once a week and let him see them when he least expects it
11. Have a “make dinner” night together once a month… don’t be shy, let the ingredients play a “role”
12. He is allowed to be on top and have his way with you every now and then
13. Kissing after oral is ok
14. When he is taking a shower… sneak in and grab his towel. Put it in the dryer and return it nice and warm for when he gets out- Bonus Points!!
15. 1 vacation per year minimum (no exceptions)

Think that’s all?.. Oh no… there is more. Oh so much more. To be continued…

Relationship Advice from Strangers – Part I February 13, 2011

Just in time for Valentines Day, I’ve got some love tips for you all!!

Awhile back I think I mentioned how my friends were so kind as to collect a book of advice on love and marriage during my bachelorette party weekend. Who better to give the advice than random strangers right? I’ve always thought it would be great to share these tips on my blog, so now I am… in a multi-part series. You may want to bookmark this page and head back here any time your relationship needs a little pick-me-up because some of these tips are stellar (and hilarious).

1. Be happy with whatcha got ’til you get whatcha want.

2. Make the decision to love and commit and all the adventures and joys of marriage will take care of themselves.

3. Never blame, always communicate, love conquers all. Work together, possibilities are endless

4. Never make excuses

5. Remember why you fell in love. Put each other first, marriage first. Family second, everything else last. A healthy, loving relationship takes time and effort. Communicate well and never go to bed angry. Overuse I love yous.

6. Stay 10 years, you get the money

7. Keep everything nice and trimmed. Grooming is key

8. Men are not able to do two things at once, including but not limited to thinking and speaking at the same time. Emotions are sometimes sheltered but we will always want the best for you!

9. When you really want something, but you know the answer is “no”, ask him in bed!

10. Always say “I love you” before leaving or going to bed and always have a pair of crotchless panties available.

11. If you don’t forgive and learn how not to resent, it’s like drinking a vial of poison and expecting it to affect the other person.

12. Expect the unexpected. Never take for granted your relationship no matter how solid it may be. Realize, if you can’t handle things at their worst, you don’t deserve them at their best.

13. One word: swallow

14. The key to a great wedding and marriage is laugh first when something is going bad. Laugh, laugh, laugh… oh and lots of blow jobs.

15. Just lay back and think of Scotland

Words to live by, I tell you! And we’ve only just gotten started…

Happy Birthday Fiance October 30, 2009

Ok, it’s a little late- but I’ve been busy. Wednesday the 28th was the only day I will every get to say Happy Birthday to my dearest fiance. Next year I’ll be saying it to my wonderful husband. This week Andrew turned 29 years old. That means after a month and a half of being older than him, we are finally the same age once more! We celebrated his birthday last Friday with some of his pilot friends at a restaurant called Waqu. It was a miniature degustation menu filled with all sorts of seafood and beef. Luckily they also had a vegetarian option as well. There were 15 of us in our own private room and everyone brought some wine and good conversation. So then we celebrated again on his ACTUAL birthday at Soprano’s in Mosman. Deeeeelish pizza and good friends (plus Andrew’s brother Paul and girlfriend Veronica) made the night a really good one. We even got Andrew a free piece of cheesecake and a shot of limoncello to celebrate his old age!

I’ve been waiting to post this blog because I wanted to upload pictures to go with it. Yeah, well… I lag. Finally I decided to forget the pics and post my blog anyways. If I keep waiting, you might not have anything new to read for like a month and by then the birthday would be WAY over. That’s no fun.

For Andrew’s birthday I decided to get him tickets to this ghost tour thingy in Manly. So last night we went on the tour of the old Quarantine Station.  It was really quite interesting but unfortunately I did not see or hear anything weird. I’d LOVE to see a freaking ghost. The guide told us all these stories about things they’ve seen or heard on the tours there, but what did we see? Nothing!  What did we hear? Nothing! Pretty bogus. I was hoping to see some freaky crap but unfortunately there was nothing worth noting. Probably a good thing though, Andrew might have freaked if we actually saw something supernatural. There was one time where I definitely saw this shadow moving around off in a building far away. Everyone started looking and we were all super excited until we realize it was just another tour group passing through. Oh well.

Do you want to know what the best part of the whole week was? Well, it was GREAT spending Andrew’s birthday with him (as you will recall, we didn’t always get to see each other on our birthdays due to a little something called the Pacific Ocean) but the most EXCITING part of the week was when I decided to try my ipod out just ONE more time today. I wanted to listen to some tunes while I cleaned the house. Well, I put my ipod on the speaker dock and much to my amazement, the little apple symbol appeared and then so did my music.

It’s a MIRACLE!

My ipod has risen from the dead and I’m so happy. I had a super busy/stressful week at work but Andrew’s birthday and my ipod miracle made it all worthwhile. The bottles of champagne and wine tonight with friends helped as well. But my bitchy ass whore neighbor did put a bit of a damper on the night. I’ll have to vent about her later. Stay tuned  for that one.

Until then, goodnight and happy birthday once again to my wonderful love. XO

Love September 25, 2009

Andrew and I won’t be taking engagement photos (unless some lovely photographer in Sydney would like to take some for us for free) – but we were fortunate to take some awesome shots back in June when we went to California- so let’s just pretend these are engagement photos, shall we?

 My BFF is an aspiring photographer who wanted to practice out her developing photo snapping skills so she asked if she could take some shots of us in the park. I was happy to oblige (and so was Andrew which is highly surprising since he HATES photos). They turned out great! I just thoguht I’d share a few of my favorites with the world. I just love my dearest fiance SO much and these pictures of us make me happy! Oh and Jen- if this post sounds a lot like yours, I must tell you that I wrote this last night- I just hadn’t published it yet.

My Dreams Have Come True August 9, 2009

“My dreams have come true” were the exact words I used when I called my best friend in the middle of the night to tell her that Andrew and I got engaged. It just spilled out of my mouth and it couldn’t be more true.

When I was younger (like teenager young) I used to lay in bed at night and pray for a boyfriend or at least for a boy to like me. Pathetic I know. Not many boys ever did, but I did have a few boyfriends. Of course none of them were right for me. Several of them were great people, but they were just meant to be with someone else. I was meant to be with someone else. I was meant to be with Andrew. I should point out that I do not believe in soul mates. I think it’s a bunch of BS… but I do have to believe there WAS something special that brought Andrew and I together. There were just too many obstacles that COULD have gotten in our way- but luckily they didn’t. Even the Pacific Ocean couldn’t keep us apart!

So on Friday, August 7th- Andrew proposed and I am SO happy. It was the best feeling ever- I only wish I wasn’t so shocked so maybe I would remember it more clearly!! I know several of you have asked for a story- so here it goes.

I had been sitting around in my grungy clothes and nappy greasy hair all day while I worked. In the late afternoon, Andrew asked if I wanted to go for a walk. It was beautiful weather outside and I was feeling quite lazy and knew I should get off my butt, so I said ok. I put on some workout clothes, put back my greasy hair and did NOT bother to put makeup on. I looked horrendous.

We walked down to middle head (a place we do walk to from time to time). It was starting to get a bit windy as we got down there and Andrew seemed to be in a rush to get to somewhere. He blamed it on the impending bad weather. My thoughts were “if it’s going to rain, why don’t we just go back?” But I followed him anyways.

We got to this little secluded point that overlooks the entrance to Sydney Harbour and I sat down. A few seconds later he asked me to stand up. That was my first hint that something was up. Why was he asking me to stand? Then he took both my hands in his, that was my second clue that this was not just a normal walk. I can’t remember word for word what he said due to my shock, but it did include “I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Then he got on one knee, pulled a box out of his pocket, opened it and said “will you marry me?”

I was NOT one of those girls that forgets to say yes. I said yes immediately and gave him a big hug. I didn’t cry- I think I was too shocked- plus if you know me, you know I don’t cry easily unless I’m really frustrated or PMSing. I did forget though that he needed to put the ring on. So he told me to put my hand out so he could slip it on. As he did he said “size 6″- it was cute, like he was confirming that he bought the right size. It fit perfectly and I love it!!

Then Andrew surprised me by pulling out 2 mini champagne bottles and some glasses out of his backpack. We sat and enjoyed the moment as the sun was going down and the clouds were rolling in. He called a few people and hearing him tell others that we just got engaged actually made me tear up a bit more. It was so weird to hear it!

Once the weather started looking really bad, we decided to head back. We had quite a trek ahead of us and it started raining on us and the cold front came in so the temperature dropped and we were freezing!! We even started running at one point just to build some body heat. We finally made it home and I got to call and wake up my mom & dad, my sister and my best friend.

They were ALL so happy and so excited!! None of them seemed to mind that I woke them up at 1:30 am I think my favorite reaction of that night was from my niece- because it was just so sweet. I found out the next day that when my sister got off the phone with me, she went and kissed Emma (thinking she was sleeping) and said “I love you.”  Emma said “I love you too.” So Bronwen’s reaction was “you’re awake??” She figured she’d tell her about us so she said “guess what? Pilot Andrew is really going to be your uncle now.” Emma’s reaction… “I love Andrew.”

I love him too Emma!!

Airports June 17, 2009

Airports used to be exciting places. Going to an airport meant you were going somewhere cool or picking up loved ones who were coming to visit! Now 90% of the time, airports are filled with goodbyes for me. I’m almost always saying goodbye to someone. When I flew here I had to say adios to Andrew thinking I wouldn’t see him for 3 weeks.  Then he ended up making it out here which was awesome, but tonight I just had to drop him off and say goodbye again for another 2 weeks.  I also had to say goodbye to my sister and her family from Texas tonight since they’ll be heading off to the airport tomorrow. And then in 2 weeks I’ll have to say goodbye to my friends and family once more when I head back to Australia. Seriously, there aren’t too many happy trips to the airport these days. Even when I’m really excited to see one person (or group of people) I’m always having to say goodbye to someone else I love in the process.

I don’t like goodbyes. I’ve had WAY too many of them in my lifetime (well,  really in the last 3.5 years), but I guess that’s what happens when you are in a long distance relationship forever and then move all the way across the world.

Revenge May 25, 2009

And now for the tale of Andrew’s revenge. It’s not really that great, and I’ve probably built it up over the last few days… but the truth is- I was just too lazy to post about it then.

So the other night as I was brushing my teeth, Andrew was singing as he was walking around the apartment and I made some snotty face at him. The face was NOT due to his singing, but rather something else obnoxious that he had done (I can’t even remember what it was). So he proceeds to tell me that I always make snotty faces when he sings.

Well… I DO NOT!

I reminded him that my face was due to his other obnoxious action and asked him to take his comment back. He refused. I asked again. He refused. So I finally took my toothbrush (full of foamy toothpaste) and wiped it on his face. I then went to the bathroom to finish brushing my teeth and to wait for the impending revenge that I KNEW would take place. I so wanted to lock the bathroom door, but our door sucks and even when it’s locked you can just push it open. I knew I was in for it –  I just didn’t know what the revenge would be, so I kinda just stood their brushing and waiting.

I heard him coming… I started to cringe. I kinda expected him to pour water on me or something innocent like that. If only I were so lucky.

No, he decided to come and shove his finger in my mouth and smear it on my face. A finger full of Vegemite. This is probably one of the last things you want shoved in your mouth as you are brushing your teeth. Vegemite is supposed to be spread THINLY on a slice of bread (and even then it is still repulsive if you ask me) but you are DEFINITELY not supposed to eat a big clump of it.

I just sat there with my mouth open trying to decide how to deal with this situation without vomiting. It was all over my toothbrush and face! SO GROSS. Eventually I was able to get my teeth, tongue, face and toothbrush all cleaned up by breathing through my mouth and just rinsing (without swishing). Luckily it’s not too sticky so it all washed out pretty easily with minimal contact to taste buds.

Seriously though, that was mean revenge on his part. Wiping toothpaste on someones face is much nicer than nearly making someone puke! I guess should think twice before I wipe my toothbrush on his face again!

Costa Rica September 4, 2008

So we’re back… we have been a few days! It was SUCH a great time, some interesting, unplanned events… but still was really fun. Unfortunately our camera broke after a few days of the trip so we don’t have many pictures. For the few that we do have- click HERE. So since I’m lazy, I’m just posting some emails andrew sent during our trip… it’s much easier than re-typing all the details. Yeah, it’s long… but you only need to read it if you actually care about trip  Email # 2 is the most interesting if you want to hear about the most exciting of our adventures! We are supposed to get some other pictures sent to us by people we met with functioning cameras, so hopefully we get those and we can post some more!!EMAIL 1

got a bit more time now but this keyboard is a mac keyboard and thus, it sucks. Went to the waterfalls here this morning. Was a pretty crazy trek through the rainforest, elsja pretty much got heat stroke cos she’s soft. haha..it was pretty hard work so we’re lucky that we’re in pretty good shape. Some dude called Carlos (a local) met up with us on the first little bit so suddenly we had a tour guide. He was 29 but about 4′5 and very funny…spoke fairly good English but the german girl we had met spoke both English and Spanish so that was cool. Lucky we met this guy cos he took us to the upper falls that we would NEVER have found without him. We paid him 18,000 for his trouble in the end. I also jumped off a 50 metre waterfall much to Elsja’s grief. I dont think it sounds as high as it looks hey. Was pretty nervy. The guide assured me the landing was 10m deep so I went for it. Felt like I was falling for ages…which I guess I was. More on the first night – we came out of the airport and were late (cos the airlines here suck as much as at home) so our transfer had left. So we were left to get a taxi and it was basically a battle of the taxi drivers for our business. Some guy lead us into the carpark cos he said he’d do it for 20USD…until he pulled up in the car. It was like an old datsun, unmarked, no colour…nothing. I told him to get bent and tried to walk off and he cracked it. There was police nearby luckily so we kinda raced over to where they were and went for another taxi. We got in and he raced off…no seatbelt, doing 130km/h and driving like a MANIAC! Swerving, overtaking, honking, flashing his lights…then he decided to make a left and took us through the worst, bum looking ghetto streets ive ever seen…left, right, left, left, right…going deeper and deeper into this shithole jungle. Elsja and I by now thought we were going to be robbed for sure. Now it was 11pm and there was noone around except these junkies laying on the streets. We kept asking him how far but he kinda ignored us…We just couldnt see how the mainstreet Best Western was so far off the main road. My adrenalin was pumping cos I really thought I was going to have to take this guy on at some point…Elsja has been here before so I thought she might say ‘no this is normal’ but she thoroughly agreed with me. So here I am planning to grab this guy around the neck whilst he’s driving, we had only had 4 hours sleep in 2 days and I was pretty wired anyway. Wasnt very nice..suddenly we see this crappy little ‘best western’ sign and we kinda pulled in. Couldnt believe it…the only thing he said to us when we got out was ’stay inside, very dangerous’ in Spanish (elsja could understand).  So we spent the night there, didnt get much sleep, and then went back to the airport the next day to get a flight to Tambor and then got an hour taxi ride to Montezuma where we are now. When I say an hour, Im talking prob 15km but the roads are SO bad it takes that long. There are dogs running amuck, and we saw monkeys too…wild monkeys!! This place is awesome though…complete opposite of San Jose. It’s kinda like how Byron Bay wouldve been 20 years ago. Very hippy and laid back and the food is amaznig and very cheap. I ordered Calamari last night and it came with a huge plate of spanish potatoes, rice, veges for about $4 AU. Ive been ordering vege burgers for lunch cos theyre packed wtih salad and I can dump the local hot sauce all over it to get my fix. The local beer here which is awesome is about $AU1.50 for a bottle when you order it in a bar. You’re allowed to just walk around the streets drinking them so we’re just buying beer and cruising along. Met quite a few other people from the US, Germany, England and a few other countries not worth mentioning. I think I’m the only Aussie here cos everyone is very surprised that there is one here. I guess its just so far to come for us. We’re here til Tuesday then gotta figure out how to get to Arenal whcih is where the volcano is. Its about a 7 hours bus ride which is going to suck but we have no option. Staying there for a bit then I cant remember. I just ask Elsja and give her money when she says we have to pay for something.EMAIL 2  Hey all Leaving for Arenal in 10mins so just jumped online quickly. Thanks to everyone who replied, Ive read them but dont have a lot of time to reply to everyone individually. The point of this email is really just to quickly fill you in on what happened yesterday. Such a crazy story. In short, we went on a snorkelling trip to an island but when we got on the boats to come back, the sea was too rough…the boat drivers (2 boats went) dropped us off at some random beach with ONE guide and left to drive the boats back themselves. Our guide then didnt tell anyone where he was going really, just mumbled something in spanish bout going to find the road and disappeared into the jungle. It was POURING tropical rain and very windy. There was about 17 of us and suddenly we were stranded on this beach in the rain with nothing. We trekked into the jungle for a bit and found a shack for shelter. It was starting to get dark by this point and we literally didnt know what was going on. A couple of the guys tried to find a path out but it was blocked by a swamp and we couldnt see any way through. There was a costa rican guy with us who told us there was crocodiles in there anyway so we shouldnt try to pass.We went back to the shack and lit a fire with what dry wood we could find. Hadn’t stopped raining the whole time. This idiotic tour company had literally dumped us on this beach cos they had no back up plan whatsoever if the seas turned bad and they couldnt drive us back in the boats. When I say the seas were bad, we’re talking up to 30ft swell and these boats were about 18ft long…it was so scary. The walls of the swells were towering above the boats. There was nothing to hold onto in the boats either. Really scary experience so before we realised the predicament we were in on the beach, we were actually glad to be back on land. So we built a fire and started planning to spend the night there (im not joking). We started to think aobut food – there were coconuts and lime trees near by but the sound of the monkeys was getting pretty eerie to go out and start looking for anything else. The girls were getting a bit distressed by this point because we were literally preparing to spend the night…it was exactly like Lost. There were about 4 americans, the token aussie, some french, brazlians and mexicans and the costa rican family.Finally about 3 hour laters and dark – our tour guide came back in bare feet and no shirt. He said he had walked through dense jungle in his bare feet and found a road and followed it. A couple of people had phones but they couldnt really get a signal. We ended up having to walk another 20 mins along the beach, through more jungle and cross a river that was up to my waist (now I wish I’d had a hepatitis A shot) and get to some other dirty shack in the end that was worse than the first…we then had to wait another hour for a bus (mini bus, no 4wd). Finally got out of there but we were overloaded by 7 people in a bus that was not made for muddy, pissing rain terrain. Was nuts. Aboslutely nuts. This is the short version. We got back to the city we’re staying about 4 hours late and it turns out the tour company hadnt even known what had happened until an hour after we were due back…the boat drivers had thought they could solve the problem by themselves and screwed up majorly. We got all our money back for the day but it wasnt really worth it. I will tell the story in more detail but wanted to pass the basics on. gotta run, the bus is here…..now its 7 hours of hell to get to the volcano.
The adventure continues… EMAIL 3 Hey all Just a quick update before we go blow 20,000 ( i love that 20g´s here is only about $35) on dinner.

Yesterday we went on a volcano tour which basically gave us some history, a walk in the rainforest (apparently it was a hike but i break more sweat walking from my car into work), sitting and watching the lava come out of the volcano and then going to the hot springs that are heated naturally by the volcano. It was basically a whole system of jacuzzis that u sit in and chill out, order drinks and do whatever. Then we had dinner there which was included in the tour. It was a pretty amazing 3 course meal that we didnt expect for what we paid. The whole place was surreal cos we were sitting in these volcanic heated rock pools, it was raining and there were thunderstorms around and they were blasting corny 80s rock music. Very weird. Oh yea I also ate live termites straight off a tree in the rainforest. The guide said they were edible so him and I dug in whilst the girls nearly threw up. They kinda tastes tangy, like lemon. Whatever. Today we went on a rainforest canopy tour. This included doing 9 zip lines which are awesome fun for those who haven’t done it. They let us do a couple upside down so here we are, hooning through the rainforest canopy dangling upside down from a cable a couple of hundred feet above the ground. Then we got to abseil down a cliff and then rode horses back up to the top. This arvo we just hung out. Had beers and lunch etc and just hung out. Happy hour is very happy here…4 cocktails for $7.00…cant complain about that. The pool is great, theres a jacuzzi where we can just sit and drink cocktails and watch the smoke and stuff spew out of the volcano. Loving it.  Ok, off to dinner. Adios!