No… not you two… I’m talking to the ones upstairs who speak in some language I cannot decipher. I am really getting sick of your late night chats on the balcony. Seriously, I don’t hear you at all during the day or evening but for some reason you must go on to your balcony EVERY single night after 11:00 pm to have your daily 15 minute foreign chat. Oh and I REALLY don’t appreciate the random 1:00 am sessions. Those seriously suck.
It frustrates me that I can’t even eavesdrop and be nosey since I can’t understand you. Where the hell are you from anyways? It frustrates me even MORE that you keep me awake at night. Don’t you need to sleep too?
Andrew was going to write you a letter once. Even though he USUALLY falls asleep before you start yacking, he really felt bad for me being kept up every night. But I stopped him from putting the note under your door one night at 3am because I didn’t think it was very nice. Here’s what it said in big black sharpie marker:
“SHUT THE F*%K UP”
I thought there must be a nicer way to go about asking you to be quiet, but considering I’ve lived here for over a year and a half and I still don’t think I’ve ever really seen your face, I don’t exactly feel comfortable approaching you. So instead I just lie there each night waiting patiently for your 15 minutes of annoying chatter to end.
SO since I am afraid of confrontation, I’m REALLY happy that I now get to write this second letter to our OTHER neighbors. I thought I’d run it by you first. Let me know what you think…
Dear Other Mystery Neighbor,
You are wonderful.
When my boyfriend wanted to write a mean note to the yackies upstairs, I stopped him because I didn’t think it was very nice to use the F word. Well, clearly, that’s just something Australians do- or maybe just people in this apartment block. I remember on Halloween one guy in the block yelled “Oi F*%K off kids!!” to some little teenage punks. That was pretty funny. Maybe that was your husband.
I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate what you did for all of us last night. I could hear you yelling “shut up!” numerous times. I just laid there smiling, comforted knowing that someone else had been feeling my pain all these nights. I always thought I may be the only one who was going crazy from their conversations. But the gabbers upstairs just didn’t hear you. I don’t know why because I certainly heard you, even with my window closed. So I found it thoroughly amusing when you finally screamed in your shrill, angry voice:
“SHUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUPPPPP. You F*%King talk out there EVERY NIGHT!”
Well, I think they finally got the hint because they did shut up and they went inside.
I truly think your message got through to them. Maybe using the F word really is the only way to get things done around these parts! Hopefully tonight we will all sleep a little easier!
Thanks again for taking care of the situation (and thanks to my BF who attempted to take care of the situation 2 weeks ago even though I intercepted his note and threw it in the trash bin).