Dear new neighbors,
Andrew told me about you two while I was away. First to you Mr. Man neighbor- Andrew mentioned that everyone in the apartment could hear you beating your girlfriend. Evidently people heard the thuds and your poor girl was screaming and crying. Neighbors were yelling at you through the windows telling you they could hear you beating her and you still didn’t stop. Luckily some people had enough sense to call the cops. Clearly you are a douchebag.
When I returned last Saturday and heard what sounded like some serious sex occuring in the late afternoon, I actually thought I was hearing our other neighbors. But this sex did not sound like the sex that we usually can hear. You guys sounded REALLY into it. At least you did Ms. Lady neighbor. Yes, it partially did sound like you were being beat up- but when I heard “YEAH, YEAH” I figured you just like it rough. When I went into the bathroom again, I could hear you crying. Why oh why were you crying? Maybe you were just playing along out of fear because your creep boyfriend would beat you up again if you don’t fulfil his sleazy desires. I have never even met you but already I can see that you two have some SERIOUS issues.
I’m not sure what went on in the following 40 minutes but when Andrew and I returned from picking up dinner and a movie, your drunk trash boyfriend was on the ground being handcuffed by 5 cops.
While I do enjoy interesting neighbors, I don’t enjoy guys who beat up and possibly rape their girlfriends and wives. No one in the building wants to hear that. Someone needs to head to rehab and/or jail and someone else needs some major counseling. Good luck to you both.
P.S. I do like your Christmas stockings that you’ve hung in the window.